melting pot of emotions

man, there's a mish-mash of feelings swirling around inside me. feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, frustration, impatience, despair, etc. nothing good really.

i have to say that i haven't been in the most charitable of moods this past weekend, and i've not been the person i would like myself to be. i need an attitude readjustment. either that or some hormonal readjustment. haha. but seriously, i'm not proud of the way i've been acting.

the husband says that i need to "relak lah". i tell him he needs to buy me the t-shirt that says that.

i think having liv and tyson here triggered some emotions that i've managed to bury for a long time. feelings of yearning for cali, feelings of claustrophobia, feelings of not fitting in, feelings of just simply wanting something different. BUT, i also know that a large part of it is the whole "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. i know that once i get there, i'll probably be disappointed cos it's not everything that i remember it being. the hubby does have a point when he says that the mind is good at blocking out the bad memories, and only allowing you to remember the good about the past.

suddenly, i don't feel so content with what i have. to be honest, this past year has really been a pretty good year, and i've been pretty content. sure, i'm not saying that it was all hunk-dory, but generally, i have it good, and i can't complain. but somehow, right now, something just feels like it's missing. and i can't really place my finger on it. people tend to say that i'm an over-achiever... maybe that's what this is. maybe i'm just not capable of being satisfied. where's some good old psychoanalysis when i need it??