a little faith and patience

the past couple of days have been a real emotional rollercoaster for me. my rotation finally got put up for approval, and basically, what was offered to me was something totally unexpected. .

to cut the long story short, i came home yesterday more than a little demoralised. i felt a little like things were never meant to be, and that i didn't have much control over anything. i asked kale what i should pray for - peace to accept whatever the outcome? strength to fight for what i want? or something else... he advised that i should pray for patience. and as usual, he's right.

today brought some relief. it didn't bring answers, but it did at least bring options. options that i think i could live with. i'm waiting for some answers, and hopefully God will help me have the patience to wait for those answers.

i also mulled over the age-old question.. how do you balance fighting for what you want with accepting that some things aren't meant to be. the hubby's reply? "you do what you can, and then you accept it". last night, that reply just frustrated me. to me, that felt like a non-answer.. how do you know you've done all you can? how do you know when to stop? but today, now, i sort of understand. i have peace of mind that i've done what i have to do. i have spoken to whom i need to speak to... and all that's left for me to do is wait. and if it doesn't work out, well, at least i know i tried. i think pushing any harder would perhaps be too much.

so yes, i guess now i just need a little faith and patience (and perhaps a little tenderness as the song goes). i think sometimes i just need to sit down and breathe and relax and wait for things to become clearer. i wind myself up too much sometimes. you learn something new each day - in my case, it's to slow down and wait for things to play themselves out. that, and to have faith.

so yes, i'll pray for patience AND peace of mind tonight.