argh

think i'm spread a little too thin.

i didn't think it'd be this difficult. i mean, i spent a whole semester last year juggling a new job and classes and survived. even came out on top with pretty decent grades.

i honestly didn't think that throwing a pregnancy in would be that big of a deal. granted, yes, i know it's a life-altering change, but i *really* didn't think that it'd make THIS much difference or that i'd be THIS tired. should have known better.

i'm strung-out at work cos we're understaffed and i have this incredible guilt complex about not pulling my own weight in a team of 2. i'm tired by the time i get to class in the evenings cos i'm just so worn-out. i don't sleep well at night cos my hives get triggered by stress - leaving me more stressed in the mornings. then the weekend comes around, i'm so thankful i don't have to go to work, but i'm so pooped that i don't even want to look at my notes. AND MY EXAMS ARE A MONTH AWAY!

my boss gave me this huge guilt trip last evening about something i didn't get done this week. it's not that i slacked off on it, it's just a little hard to get around to something that requires 100% concentration when there are these little fires that need to be put out on a constant basis cos your other half of the team is in the US on a biz trip. he alluded to the fact that i should get down to it over the weekend. normally, i would consider it. a smidgen. yesterday, i was so close to breaking, i said no without hesitation. said i needed to study. i felt guilty immediately after, but what's a girl to do?

this morning i had no resolve to get out of bed to hike it to class. but, well, surprise, surprise, the kiasu me dragged my pregnant ass out of bed and over to NUS. only to be too tired to concentrate (after a night of scratching away at hives). i bailed during the break and am now at home. pathetic, i say. going to have a lie-down before attempting to sort my notes out later so i can at least begin some semblance of studying.

so yeah, i think i'm juggling a bit too much. problem is, i can't drop anything right now. despite being this tired, this pregnancy is the best thing to have happened to me (ok, not counting kale). i really wanted this sooo much, and i honestly feel so blessed. now it's all about surviving through till May when my exams end. God give me strength to make it through...