fate - some days you just gotta believe
i went for a meeting today with a colleague of mine from the division i wanted to join. he told me that they had originally wanted an extra person in the group so this other colleague of mine is rotating in and starting on 1st jan. AND on top of that, one of the guys in the team is leaving, so now they have another vacancy.
talk about timing. back when my rotation was being decided, there was NO news about all this happening, and now, suddenly, the vacancies come pouring in. part of me feels a little crummy cos i know that the transition to that would not have been anywhere near as painful as what i'm going through there cos i wouldn't have been starting from zero. i actually knew quite a bit about that industry and was probably the best suited to join the group.
he asked me if i was bummed. and i replied that to be honest, had this happened a couple of months ago, i would have been cursing and swearing but i guess now i put it down to fate. i tried 3 times to join the group, and all 3 times the timing wasn't right. i guess that's a sign that it wasn't meant to be, or it wasn't fated or however you want to say it. so i guess there's a reason why i'm where i am, and there's a reason why the course i'm doing and all that fell into place when it did.
i'm just bummed right now cos i'm feeling really overwhelmed with my new group. even after my exams are over, i will still be stressed out. why? well, because at least until classes start next year (which isn't really that long), i'll be expected to give 120% and then some. and objectively, i don't know how long it will take for me to get up to speed. i know my appraisal next year is going to be disappointing because of course i'm still ramping up, but also because now i'll be appraised with different expectations cos of the promotion. i'm just trying to prepare myself mentally for when it does happen.
i DO regret transferring. life would have been much easier had i stayed in my old group. work would have been more relaxed, and well, i'd be a whole lot less stressed... so i'm trying to remember and believe that everything has its time and place and that everything goes according to His plan. but it's hard. it really is.
The strength to change the things i can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
posted by maleana
8 comments
8 Comments:
hi jie~!
wow haven't read ur blog in so long..
exams went pretty badly bleah..
miss u lots~! can't believe i wun get to see more than half a day of u when i get back..
din manage to do shopping in toronto for a pressie.. will try to do that soon hopefully if i get to go on a shoppint trip some weekend.. bleah. finals are coming up.. and midterms JUST ended~!!!
jia you for exams~!
dun worrie u've always been zai at last minute memorising.. heh..
*huuuuuuuugz*
often we really don't know what's in store for us...and like i blogged before, everything's really about TIMING.
guess sometimes we just have to deal with being delt with the short end of the stick, and try to make the best out of the situation.
hang in there...and know that the big guy has a plan. even though sometimes we get frustrated and upset that we don't know exactly where the road is taking us or what the damn plan is lah (at least that's what i'm trying to tell myself, and i ain't the most patient of peoples lor).
beneath every dark cloud lies a silver lining.... you just have to look hard enough and want it bad enough.....
I'm a staunch Buddhist, but I really agreed with that psalm(?) you wrote at the end. May God grant you the serenity, D, and the wisdom.
Many people wish for happiness, success, wealth, and even health...but I wish for Inner Peace for you. Y'know, sometimes, calm acceptance doesn't mean you settled. Maybe you need to pick your battles with God as well. You can't always get what you want. As long as you get most of them...the rest, well, the rest you can live with...
~dsjt
To Selene:
I'm sorry your exams didn't go well.. I can totally empathise! =( Don't worry, you'll see me when I come back from Switzerland and before you head back to MI. Don't worry about shopping - concentrate on your finals UNLESS shopping will help you relieve stress.. I'm a strong proponent of retail therapy!
And as for last minute memorising, err.. I think it only works within reason!! haha. Besides my brain is no longer quite so nimble.. =(
GOod luck on your finals as well.. you'll do fine. You always do fine. And remember, college ISN'T all about grades, it's about the experience. Of course cannot let your grades bomb lah..
Hey Van, thanks for the comment.. I can always count on you for a hug when I need one. I think you and I fluctuate to and fro when it comes to accepting and then getting frustrated by what life throws at us, eh?
JT, did you leave that 3rd comment? =/
Yeah, I know I need to learn to pick my battles. It really probably is a case of losing the battle but winning the war in the long run. Just that right now, I can't see how the war is going (got no helicopter view, mah.. *hack hack*) and can only see my current battles. Need to "see the big picture..." What a load of buzzwords... but there's definitely some truth in what you said...
definitely the to-ing and fro-ing with the whole grappling of what's thrown at us. sometimes you tell yourself to accept what's happening, but at other times, you just don't want to go down without a fight, yeah?
sigh....
why is life so damn tough to navigate? grrrr.... it's so hard at times that you just want to throw the towel in, but you know more's expected out of, so you hang in there and get through each day, wishing, praying and hoping for the best.
why oh why oh why?
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