musings..

so the mother-in-law's here, and the baby's asleep.. so i have some "me" time to reply to comments and catch up on blog reading.

i have to say that this whole parenting thing is way tougher than i expected. i mean, i knew it was tough, but i figured with all the reading and prepping i'd done, that at least i'd have SOME clue about what to do when. but no, babies do NOT come with a manual, and all that reading doesn't really prepare you for the nighttime marathon nursing sessions where you feel like a zombie and your boobs have been beaten into submission.

nor does it prepare you for the worry when you find out your baby's jaundiced and you panic that you're not doing everything you can to help her get over it - you watch the sky like a hawk to watch out for every ray of sunshine. and curse it when it's overcast or rains (everyday so far this week). your day becomes a series of watching the clock to time feeds and counting the number of poopy and wet diapers. in "work speak" - you begin checking for "output indicators" of the success of her feeds - the color of the poop and pee, the consistency and the number of diaper changes. phew. i am now well-versed in all the variations in the color "mustard". all in an attempt to make sure she's getting all the nutrients she needs and to ensure the bilirubin is flushed out of her system.

i can honestly say that i totally understand the concept of unconditional love now. it's not to say that i wouldn't have done anything for kale, i would lay down my life for him... but being a parent is completely different. i would honestly give everything up for her. your whole life revolves around her. and while yes, i admit sometimes i do resent that i have NO time to myself.. but it's all worth it when you look at her adorable chubbiness and those bright eyes. you want to protect her from all the bad, bad things that exist in the world. you want to envelope her in your arms and keep her safe and never let her go. it's one heck of an emotional rollercoaster.

ok, gotta go. baby's calling...