seeck again

i'm sick again. poop.
was on MC today. kale came down with a cold and my resistance is so low i picked it right up. so for the 2nd time this year, kale and i were home on MC together on the same day. damn. altho i guess if i have to be sick at home, who better to spend it with than my hubby?

in a way, i was glad to be home... i've been kinda nervewrecked about work lately, and with me being under the weather, i really haven't slept through a single night. last night was bad, i had a mini-anxiety attack thinking about work... and about how i didn't think i could make it through the day feeling this tired and blah. so when i went to see the doc today (and found out that i had a "back drip" without me knowing it) and he gave me an MC, i felt this immense wave of relief. it's not me to feel this stressed about work... then again, it's not me to not sleep and not eat, so yeah, i'm just not myself right now.

something needs to change... perhaps it's hormonal, perhaps it really is work, perhaps it's the lack of restful sleep, perhaps it's been me feeling sick for a couple of weeks straight but this is turning out to be the most dreadful couple of weeks i've had in a looong while. i'm really dreading work... even class is a welcome relief cos it means i get to leave a little earlier twice a week to make it to class on time. the stress is ridiculous and the worst part is that i don't see relief in sight.. there are biz trips being planned and meetings to go to and projects to close and man, i'm just not in a mental (or physical) state to deal with any of that right now.

kale's been an absolute darling, helping me out with pretty much everything and letting me whinge and whine and basically be a lazy-ass around the house... so at least when i get home i can let everything go... which is a lifesaver.

i've been so blah about everything, i don't even want to leave the house. just trying to decide what and where to eat is a chore. i swear i'm losing it. i'm more than happy to lounge around in my pyjamas ALL day... if only that was an option.

i have a full day of classes tomorrow.. bleah. normal class + a make-up session. sigh. and all i can think about right now is how i have all these emails that i was supposed to deal with today for work that i didn't get to cos my laptop is at the office and i didn't go in today. i'm also worrying about this meeting with my big boss that i didn't make *again*. it's a bi-weekly meeting and as luck would have it, the last time the meeting was held was also the last time i was on MC. hmm. does NOT leave a good impression.

i'm having another anxiety attack thinking about a full week ahead at work next week. i don't know that i can make it through another week at work let alone another 2 years. next saturday marks 4 years down for me... and i should be ecstatic, but instead, i'm just depressed and fed up with everything. something really needs to change. the question is what exactly. crap.

i know i should just take things one step at a time.. it's just hard right now when there's so much going on. sigh.